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Men can be, and are, victims of domestic abuse. Richard Gelles, a professor who directs the University of Rhode Island’s Family Violence Program, estimates that 100,000 men in the United States are severely battered each year. It is, unfortunately, not nearly as recognized by society as female victims. There are several reasons for this. First, statistics do not show us the accurate numbers because male victims rarely report abuse from a spouse or girlfriend. According to Dr. Alvin Baraff, a psychotherapist and founder of MenCenter in Washington D.C., “ Men are trained not to ask for help, and a man not being able to solve his own problems is seen as a sign of weakness.” According to the 1990 Department of Justice survey of Criminal Victimization, men report all types of violent victimization 32% less frequently than women. Second, a male victim is less likely to report abuse for fear of society’s reaction. Often times, if a man who has been abused tells people, reactions vary from “sissy” or “he just wants attention” to “he’s probably the one who’s beating her”. A third reason the male victim is rarely heard of is because they will often go to great lengths to avoid telling anyone what they’ve been through. They tend to cover up their injuries with stories, the same as female victims. Dr. Ronn Burrol, an emergency room doctor at Mercy Hospital in San Diego, stated that he, “sees a lot of men with hot-water burns on the face, deep cuts on the hands and other injuries consistent with being on the receiving end of domestic abuse, but when asked how they were injured, they claimed that they did it themselves or that their kids accidentally dropped something on them. A final reason men are reluctant to seek help is the lack of shelters and safe homes for men. Most safe homes will not allow men because it frightens the female victims who are there. There are virtually no safe homes for men and more often than not men feel they don’t have anywhere to go should they leave. Many people assume that because, on average, men are bigger and stronger than women, that women can’t abuse physically. However, this is where “Nuetralizers” come into play. According to Professors R.L. McNeely and Coramae Mann, “the average man’s size and strength are neutralized by guns, knives, boiling water, bricks, fireplace pokers, and baseball bats.” For years now, the public has heard about domestic violence and the reasons why men abuse. But it is seldom addressed as to why women abuse. First and foremost, women who grew up in violent homes can grow up to be violent adults, the same as men. It is true that women who were abused as children usually get involved with an abusive man because that is what they are used to being around. But they can also become the abuser in a relationship. The cycle of abuse can be the same for men as it is for women. Abuse can also take many forms other than physical. There is emotional, mental, and sexual. Constant put-downs, and controlling behaviors are just two examples. Also, according to researcher Murray Straus, Ph.D., who helped conduct the National Violence Survey, there are several very serious effects of society’s reluctance to acknowledge the female potential for violence. Dr. Straus found that, “ a large number of girls have been told by their mothers ‘if he gets fresh, slap him.’ Images of women kicking, punching, and slapping men with complete impunity are not only widespread in movies, T.V., and books, but the viewer/reader’s reaction is usually ‘good for her’. Second, while it is possible to argue that a slap is unlikely to do any severe damage, not recognizing that a slap is still violence sets a rather dangerous precedent. Arresting a man who slaps a women, while dismissing a women who slaps a man as ‘nothing to worry about’, both condones violence and reinforces a double standard that historically has been used to oppress women in the name of ‘protection’”. The fact is, both men and women can be abusive and both can be victims. Blaming the batterers, whether they are male or female, and slapping their wrists or sentencing them to 30 days in jail while the victims go to family or safe homes, is not the answer to stopping domestic abuse. It is a treatable disease. But we need to start at the beginning, with the children. Getting the children out of abusive homes and teaching them that violence is wrong before they grow up into abusive adults or victims is where it needs to start. Also, the adult batterer now needs treatment too. It is like cancer. If you ignore it or shove it back in a dark corner, it will be even worse when you acknowledge it again. But if you treat the problem, then the long term prognosis will look much better. The information contained in this article came from Battered Men; The Full Story. |
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