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He says that I do things to make him angry. Am I to blame for his violence? No. Abusive men often blame other people or situations for their violence. Many say their partners provoke them. The truth is that no one can cause another person to be violent. His violence is never justified. What is a batterers intervention program? It is an educational course that provides men with important information about stopping domestic abuse. A batterers intervention course teaches your partner to recognize that he alone is responsible for what he does, that abuse destroys families and that he can change if he wants to. How would my partner get into a batterers intervention program? Most batterers participate because the Court ordered them to do so. Many men say that they would not have gone or stayed in the program if they had not been court ordered. Some men attend without a court order,, and others go as a way to convince their partners not to leave or to take them back. Unless a batterer is truly committed to stop being abusive, he is unlikely to change his behavior. Will he stop abusing me if he attends a batterers intervention program? Any man can stop being violent and abusive if he really wants to stop, gets help, and keeps working at it. A batterers intervention program can be an important resource for your partner but does not guarantee that he will stop battering and does not guarantee that you will be safe. In fact, many men who are attending or have attended a batterers intervention educational program continue to be violent and/or controlling. To best protect yourself and your children, it is recommended that you keep in contact with your local battered women's services/program, especially while he is attending the batterers intervention course. To find out what options and support services are available to you in your community and to learn more about batterers intervention programs, you can contact your local domestic violence program or shelter. Would marriage counseling be better? He won't go for help unless I go with him. No. Domestic violence advocates strongly advise battered women not to participate in couples counseling, family counseling, and mediation programs. It may not be safe to talk about your feelings in front of someone who could hurt you later for what you say. Many battered women say that these kinds of counseling do not stop the violence and often increase their danger. Also, going to counseling together suggests that you are also responsible for his violence. You are never responsible for his violence. Even if your partner is not willing to get help, support and assistance in figuring out what you want to do are available at your local domestic violence program. My partner says he'll get help for his drinking. If he stops drinking, will he stop being violent? Don't count on it. Alcohol and other drug abuse do not cause domestic abuse, even though batterers often use substance abuse as an excuse for their violence. Batterers who drink or use drugs have two separate problems that need to be handled independently. Even if your partner stops using alcohol or other drugs, he is likely to continue to be abusive. Your partner may need substance abuse treatment, but the type of program that can best teach him about stopping all forms of domestic violence is a batterers intervention course. |
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