By Shoshana Munson and Autumn Tyler
It seems simple enough – if you’re with an abusive partner, just leave, right? Walk out. Start fresh. Save yourself and your children. One big reason survivors stay: They may not be able to find housing, or feed and care for their children, or themselves if they leave. Take a look at these estimated Montana cost of living averages: Full-time daycare for 1 infant: $750 a month Two-bedroom apartment: $1500 a month Deposit - $750 Last Month Rent - $1500 Water Deposit - $150 Electricity Deposit - $150 One [thrifty] month of groceries for a family of four: $584 Total Needed at Starting Over: $5,384 Total Needed to Maintain Home: $3,134 net pay $3,134 x 1.0756 (FICA Federal Insurance Contributions Act) = $3,374 / 173 average work hours a month = $19.50 min pay. The costs associated with leaving an abusive partner are significant for many survivors, a substantial proportion of whom have low to zero incomes. Abusers usually attempt to maintain control of most if not all the financial and banking aspects. This can add to the reason why they stay if they have been isolated, forced to stay home and have little work experience. And what if their abuser refused to let them have their own job? Their own money? What if they have no way to set money aside each month toward savings and paying down debt? What if they don’t have access to affordable housing or transportation? In one survey of survivors in domestic violence shelters and programs done by the Institute for Women’s Policy Research in 2018, nearly 3 in 4 participants said they stayed with an abusive partner longer than they wanted or returned to the abuser out of economic necessity. Survivors often return to abusive partners in order to provide for their children, and it’s having a significant impact on children’s development on multiple levels. We are asked all the time, “Why do they stay?” On average it takes seven times before a survivor separates permanently from an abusive partner. For many, it comes down to deciding between keeping oneself safe and keeping one’s children fed and clothed. We do offer assistance and resources in learning how to set up a budget, but if they don't have the financial independence to leave and start out fresh, how are they expected to maintain a successful way of life and provide a stable, healthy environment for themselves and their children? This can make them feel even more isolated and trapped. A lot of survivors deal with debt and credit problems, and therefore find it exceedingly difficult to meet and acquire basic necessities. This can have a range of associated challenges, such as eviction from housing, the loss of a job or car, and the possibility of Child Protective Services becoming involved. The costs survivors incur when leaving the violence do not end with the termination of the relationship. Survivors who’ve already tried to leave can expect to pay a high range of costs in the future, with the most common being relocation costs and counseling or health services for themselves as well as their children. They may also encounter court costs if there is any type of Dissolution of Marriage and/or a Parenting Plan case to go through. It’s extremely important for survivors to focus on keeping themselves and their children safe, but there’s a lot going into that and sometimes it interferes with pulling in or saving any extra money. It can be hard to see someone you care about going through this, especially if the person leaves the abusive situation, but then returns. It is normal to feel frustrated or even angry, and you might find it hard to keep supporting them. But we need to remember domestic violence is extraordinarily complex, leaving the relationship is never easy, and leaving isn’t always the safest option. In fact, leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time for the survivor. Approximately 75% of all domestic violence homicides occur when the victim is attempting to leave or after ending the relationship. If the abuser has knowledge their partner is planning to leave them, they may fear losing their control and can often act impulsively, which increases their use of violence, and that’s when victims are most likely killed. We need to continue to support survivors throughout the process, no matter what or how long it takes because their well-being and safety are at risk. Remember, someone in a position to support a survivor can play a very crucial role in empowering them to reach out for help, stay safe, or even leave for good. You might be the only one they reach out to, and sometimes they may only get one chance to do so. If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence in immediate danger, call 911. If you need to speak with an advocate, contact HLHAS at 406-278-3342, on our 24-hour Crisis Line at 1-800-219-7336, or stop by our office located at 300 N. Virginia St, Ste #307, Conrad, MT 59425. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and if you want additional information and resources, you may call us or visit our website at hlhas.com.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Details
Archives
October 2024
Categories
|